Breaking through imposter syndrome
Why are we still questioning our right to be here?
‘In The Thick Of It’ is an entirely reader-supported and funded publication—so if you’d like to continue to receive content and have access to the full archive, consider supporting my work with a paid subscription.
Turns out, that despite being 36 years old and fairly confident in my abilities as a fully-fledged adult and parent—I still suffer from imposter syndrome when it comes to my work. And far too regularly than I’d like to admit.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I feel fear, anxiety and self-doubt every single time I sit down with my creativity to bring one of my ideas to life. It’s a tricky emotion to describe, but it feels a bit like analysis paralysis—a term psychologists use to describe that feeling of fear we experience when we’re afraid we’re going to make the wrong decision. When it strikes me, I feel plagued by self-doubt and feel critically ill-equipped to make the right choice.
In the past, imposter syndrome has made me feel as if I’m lazy, lacking in ambition or the drive to bring my ideas to life. And while on paper I can rationally see that actually, I’ve achieved many of the creative pursuits I’ve put my mind to—most of these have felt ‘achievable’ because there has been a sense of external accountability in place. These achievements have therefore felt less nebulous because they’ve taken the shape of solid, steady full-time jobs or projects for clients with clear deadlines.
But the ‘passion projects’ that swirl constantly in my mind feel at once too big and too lofty to grasp—I don’t feel armed with the skills or space to execute them and so often, I do nothing.
It’s incessantly frustrating but what I’ve learnt over time is that in order to sort of ameliorate any imposter-ish feelings I’m experiencing, I have to put in place that sense of external accountability. Yes, like a child.
In fact, this very newsletter was something that only came to life once I finally got out of my own way, ignored the imposter sitting on my shoulder that told me nobody cared what I had to say and I managed to cobble together a framework of external accountability. Put simply, I knew that once I hit publish, my type-A personality would instinctively take over and I wouldn’t feel accountable to myself to produce content, but rather my readers—a community that I only hope continues to grow as time goes on.
But a newsletter is one thing. It feels manageable in terms of its output and while my imposter stills warns me weekly that nobody is interested in my ramblings—I do feel as if I’ve overcome that hurdle in the sense that I simply don’t take those warnings to heart any longer.
Trouble is, the bigger dreams and creative goals I have for myself, can’t seem to elbow their way past my inner imposter in order to stand in the sunlight.
Unfortunately, too, it seems that I’m not the only one facing this frustration with research showing that women are affected by imposter syndrome to a greater degree than their male counterparts.
Is this surprising? No. Is it still disappointing? Yes.
While there are myriad reasons that women are still disproportionately impacted by imposter syndrome—let’s be honest, we’ve had to face a truck-tonne of societal and cultural pressure in order to forge some sort of equality in the workplace. And while this gender gap is slowly improving, in many workplaces and industries, there is still a systemic gender bias taking place where women are simply not given the same opportunities as their male peers.
Even in situations where women do actually achieve tangible career success, often we’re still unable to stand confidently in that success and attribute it to our own abilities—continuing to feel like an imposter even when the facts illustrate the opposite.
While all this research provides a level of comfort in the knowingness that I’m not alone in this experience—I still want to know how to quiet my inner imposter and most importantly, continue to put myself in situations that are beyond my comfort zone, even if I know I might fail in the process.
As someone who inherently identifies as a creative, I start to feel adrift if I go a few days without putting pen to paper or giving myself the space to contemplate a new project. Dancing with my creative self soothes me, inspires me and feeds me on a soul level.
But executing my big, bold, beautiful ideas to completion? Sharing my creative projects with other people to openly criticise? That often feels like a bridge too far.
While the internet is overflowing with tips on how to dismantle imposter syndrome—including acknowledging the feelings it entails and sharing your experience with others—this doesn’t feel like advice that’s actually going to help me get shit done. But something I read recently in Holly Ringland’s new book, The House That Joy Built, has resonated with me. She says…
“When I’m plagued by imposter syndrome, I remind myself I belong here.”
It’s refreshingly simple, but something about it seems to have stuck.
When we consider our skills on paper, we may be able to objectively recognise that we have the experience/ownership/credentials to create and succeed in a certain space—but until we actually remind ourselves that we belong in that space, it doesn’t always sink in.
If I am to put this in the context of certain projects I want to bring to fruition, I need to not only remind myself that I belong here, but also implement that tool of setting in place a sense of external accountability to kick myself into gear. And so, I’m using this newsletter to write down—in a public space—some of the ideas that are currently half-baked/half-written/half-created so that you can hopefully not only help me to dismantle my own inner imposter—but have the courage to confront yours as well.
Project One: Launch In The Thick Of It, the podcast
Many close friends will know that the idea for In The Thick Of It actually began as a podcast—but given that the written medium comes more naturally to me, the newsletter felt like a good way to ‘soft-launch’ my ideas and build a community. But the itch to bring these conversations to life has never faded and so I’m hopeful that within the next few months, I’ll be able to tick this one off the list.
Project Two: Finish my manuscript
To be frank, writing a book has always been the ultimate end goal for me—but I’ve been very quiet about who I share this with as my inner imposter likes to remind me frequently about how ill-equipped I am to execute such a monumental task. While during Covid initially the words flowed fairly freely, life got in the way and I’ve had to surrender to the season I’m in. But the half-finished pages are always there, staring at me silently from the corner of my bedroom, willing me to have the courage to look at them again.
Project Three: Start the small business
This one still feels fairly ill-defined to me, but the seeds for a small business have been sown for a while now—I just need to make the space to cultivate them. Hopefully by sharing this project out loud, I’ll be more motivated to give it the time and energy it deserves.
It’s like you’re inside my head! I’m part relieved that I’m not the only one that feels like this but also part shocked that someone with your talent also feels the same. Your content is so relatable that a podcast would be so fitting. I love reading your substacks so no doubt your book will be just as enjoyable. X
Sooo relatable Ash! This resonated so deeply “But the ‘passion projects’ that swirl constantly in my mind feel at once too big and too lofty to grasp—I don’t feel armed with the skills or space to execute them and so often, I do nothing.”
Love love love you shared your ideas/ passion projects - one day there is no doubt in my mind I will have one of your books sitting proudly on my shelf. X