The power of positive feedback
Given our brains are wired to hold onto negative news more tightly, we could all do with a little more light in our lives.
If you consider any situation where you’ve been in the position to receive feedback, it’s likely that it’s been the critical or negative observations that have stuck in your mind—even if they’ve been sandwiched between nuggets of positivity.
This is called negativity bias and while irritating, rest assured it’s not entirely your fault. Turns out, our human brains are hardwired for negativity—meaning we will always remember and cling onto negative experiences and interactions, or recall instances where we’ve been offended or insulted more viscerally than any positive experience or moment of joy that may have come our way.
To be frank, this does feel a bit shit, but is likely just an evolutionary hangover from our ancestors where it was literally life or death to understand and recognise experiences that negatively impacted our ability to thrive and survive. Now however, negativity bias can impact our day to day life in ways that have far-reaching consequences—if we let it.
While research shows that our negativity bias develops as early as infancy—when our brains begin to respond to negative stimuli more acutely than positive interactions—over time this means that our decisions, attitudes and behaviours inevitably become more shaped by negativity than positivity. An example of this might be in the workplace when we receive a performance review that includes what one might describe as ‘constructive criticism’. Even if more broadly the review was a positive one and you also received some great feedback about your work, your brain will latch onto the things you did wrong or the observations you perceive as negative and you’ll likely walk out of that meeting with your shoulders hunched, feeling a little beaten up.
In scenarios like this, what we actually need to do is learn how to use negativity bias to our advantage. The good news is that the research tends to show that we actually learn more from these negative experiences than positive ones—so ultimately we are provided with the opportunity to grow and evolve. But what’s equally important is to have the self-awareness to zoom out, take a breath and allow yourself to focus on the positive moments or joy in the interaction as well.
The issue is that sometimes, our negativity bias can also be reinforced by our environment or the important relationships in our lives. For example, if we find ourselves in a toxic partnership where our flaws are constantly amplified or we are consistently left feeling not good enough, there’s no question our innate negativity bias is going to spiral. If we never feel seen, loved or supported, it’s very tricky to extract ourselves and rediscover our sense of self-worth.
But in the workplace, negativity bias can quickly become toxic when the feedback flowing through a team is consistently negative. And what’s scary, is that it can be super subtle and compound slowly. It might start with a shift in tone on an email. Or perhaps you were tasked with creating a presentation that was then subjected to several rounds of edits that seemed insignificant, but slowly scratched at the surface of your creativity. Or you might have been given extra responsibility or a project to oversee, which then mysterioiusly got reassigned or disappeared off your to-do list without any feedback coming your way. Small moments in isolation, but collectively a sign of negative feedback when there is no positivity or inspiration flowing in the other direction.
In my experience, the wonderful managers that have stuck out in my mind are the ones who empowered me to make creative decisions or lead my team without micromanaging from the wings. Those managers who were just as quick to point out a line of copy they loved, as one they didn’t. And importantly, the managers who were confident enough to provide constructive criticism in a way that gave me space to reconsider a piece of work and reshape it myself—rather than taking over with an attitude of ‘it’s just quicker if I do it’.
There’s no question that some of us are simply more sensitive to our own negativity bias than others—there are those of us who view the glass of life as closer to half full, than half empty. But no matter where we sit on the spectrum, it’s important to try and overcome your negativity bias if it’s impacting your decisions or behaviours. And importantly, speak to those friends, partners, managers and acquaintances in your life who may be contributing to a greater sense of negativity as well.
The first step is to consider what’s actually in your control—namely, the way you talk to yourself. It’s one thing to walk away from an interaction with someone and feel a bit insulted by something they’ve said, but if you then go about your day believing what they’ve said to be fact and reinforcing their criticism with negative self-talk, it can be a slippery slope.
How we interpret negative feedback is also important. If someone provides us with feedback at work that is inherently negative, it’s actually on us to decide how we respond to it. We can sulk, become passive aggressive or difficult to work with—or we can reframe the situation and use it for growth. We can also compartmentalise this feedback and not allow it to seep into the rest of our identity.
As a writer, it has taken a lot of practise to fully embrace this attitude but essentially if I’m commissioned to write a story and then my editor decides to change a word, a line, a paragraph or even ask for a complete rewrite—I’ve become very good at not taking this on as an attack on my identity. I don’t feel like I’m a worse writer because someone else chose to change how I’ve framed something. Creativity is always subjective and at the end of the day, I can either choose to let the negative feedback go, or allow it to fray my confidence which ultimately will only stop me from doing the thing I love doing in the first place: writing.
Most importantly however, we need to hold onto the joy wherever it lies and if we are the ones who find ourselves in a situation where we can provide feedback, it’s essential to make an effort to dish out positive vibes at every opportunity. Don’t sandwich criticism between compliments—make the compliment the crux of the conversation and you’ll inevitably notice an improvement in the relationship or work dynamic.
And if something great happens to you—or someone you care about—celebrate it with every ounce of your energy. Don’t minimise the joy in your life as if you do, over time it will become even more difficult to find it. Our negativity bias is there to protect us, but if we allow it to run our lives, it can also be the thief of our joy.