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For context, my first interaction with Rebel was via Facebook. She had kindly responded to a somewhat desperate-sounding cry for help that I’d posted on one of the parenting community pages I’m a member of, when my little boy decided that he simply no longer fancied sleep. He was aged two at the time—and I felt like I was descending into madness.
Up until that point, I’d done what many first-time parents likely do—that is: suffer through sleep deprivation for fear that seeking help might be considered a failure. But like many who finally do seek help, after working with Rebel I wanted to kick myself for not reaching out sooner! Put simply, she was a saviour for our family and not only helped to quickly and calmly solve our little boy’s sleep issues, but the whole process reignited my confidence and gave me a permission slip to trust my intuition as a mother.
Since then, I’ve worked with Rebel twice more—and not surprisingly, when our second child was born, I reached out for help almost immediately as I knew from experience, there’s no reward for suffering in silence. But aside from Rebel’s sleep-inducing superpowers, she is also the mum of three (soon to be four!) kids herself, a registered nurse and small business owner. So it’s fair to say she’s familiar with being ‘in the thick of it’!
What comes up for you when you think about being ‘in the thick of it’? What does it feel like for you?
Being ‘in the thick of it’ for me feels a little like Groundhog day—where each day I feel like I’m just treading water. Trying to meet the needs of all my kids plus run/sustain a small business, maintain friendships and give time to my marriage. I often have to remind myself I cannot do it all and some days it feels as though I have accomplished nothing. But in reality, I am a stay at home/working from home mum with three small children (soon to be four)—and if each day they all know they are loved and are safe, fed and warm I know I have accomplished something!
Was there a moment or perhaps a transition in your life that made you feel as though you were truly in the thick of life?
I don’t recall a particular moment as such but there are some days I still miss my old life. I absolutely adore my kids and motherhood but some days I would just love to go to the hairdresser without having to organise a trillion things to just get there!
For many, the concept of being ‘in the thick of it’ illustrates the juggle between the different facets of our lives—family, friends, motherhood, career, creativity, self-care etc—so I’d love to know how you give yourself the grace and space to nurture the various areas of your life?
Having three kids in three years means my needs/wants are very much unmet. I HATE the saying “this is just a season” because I feel this just puts parents (particularly mums) into a negative thought process around parenting. I just prioritise or always have something to look forward to! As with most adult/mum friendships they are tough, but I always try to have a ladies lunch or a fun afternoon/massage/hairdresser appointment somewhere in the family calendar so I know I have something for myself coming up!
In moments when you’re feeling overwhelmed or perhaps feeling the itch of burnout due to being ‘in the thick of it’, what are some of the rituals or self-care practices that you turn to?
I run! Not away… but if I find I’m feeling the overwhelm and I pop my Airpods in with a good podcast and head out for even a 20-30 minute run, I feel far less overwhelmed. I am lucky in the fact that I have a lot of support and family close by so I can just take that 20-30 minutes to refresh.
If this is just impossible at the time and no other option, my two older kids will be given their iPads and I can just take a quiet moment to regroup (no judgement thanks!)
If we examine the concept of being ‘in the thick of it’ from a more societal level, it seems that it’s women who are feeling this the most. Why do you think this might be the case? What do you think needs to be done on a broader scale to help redress this imbalance?
I think this just comes from the traditional gender roles embedded into our upbringing.
Traditionally, mum stayed home and looked after the kids and the house and dad went to work. In this day and age, it is expected that mum stays home, raises the kids PLUS goes to work! It puts us into a contradictory situation where we then feel like we are just surviving. Most mums I speak to feel as though they are not actually nailing anything, everything we do is ‘just enough’ to survive and we aren’t actually GREAT at anything.
I certainly don’t have the answer to how this can be addressed at a broader level but I think talking about it has a huge impact. It is hard to admit defeat as a mum because we do feel we have to look like we are nailing everything (thanks social media) but I know when I talk to mum friends, we are all feeling the same!
Do you think that we become better equipped to deal with the ‘thick of life’ as each year passes? Has this been true of your experience?
I don’t think we become better equipped as such, but I know for me, each year I know I am going to face different challenges and I just have to figure it out and adapt. With each year comes a new experience and another year of wisdom gained.
By taking the pressure off myself over the years, I have found I am a calmer, more patient wife/mum/person. I have survived up to this point with three kids, starting a small business in the midst of having those three kids and faced the day to day challenges of life (f***ing interest rates!!)
My final question is more of an opportunity to say thank you, as I’m so grateful to be able to share these conversations with my community. I’m so passionate about helping other women feel more seen, inspired and nourished during this particular season of life—so I’d love to know, are there any women in your own community (or even your virtual community) who you are grateful for or would like to shout out?
Just all the mums! Since becoming a mum myself I have never been so in awe of my own mum (who had 5 kids!!!!!), other mums, working mums, stay at home mums, mums who do it all… It is incredible what we are capable of and we need to be recognised for this. And we also need more massages!
To find out more about Rebel and her work, visit Rebel Kids here.