Women In The Thick Of It: Sarah Lynas
And what we can learn about our human design...
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Today I’m thrilled to share my conversation with from Quietly Courageous. While I’d still consider myself to be fairly new to Sarah’s work, from the moment I stumbled across her Substack, you might say I’ve been quietly curious…
As a self-proclaimed multi-passionate midlife introvert, Sarah is a hugely talented writer and Human Design coach—doing work that supports women in their quest to find their truth, support their professional vision and work in alignment with their design. It’s fascinating stuff and I believe, for those of us who describe ourselves as creatives, learning more about our Human Design and how we can work with ourselves, rather than pushing against our limits, could perhaps be the key to unlocking more creative freedom.
I hope that in sharing Sarah’s insights with you below, you’ll also find yourself feeling inspired to ask the deeper questions and move through ‘the thick of it’ with a little more grace and self-compassion…
What comes up for you when you think about being ‘in the thick of it’? What does it feel like for you?
For me, being ‘in the thick of it’ feels like those days when I don’t get a moment for myself, when I know I have to stay switched on to get everything done, stay alert, stay moving and make sure everyone has what they need before dropping into bed and starting again the next day. Those days were pretty regular when my son was little (he’s 18 now) and I worked full time; back then I was full of self-doubt and quite resentful of the world, and that took up a lot of headspace. I went through long periods of depression during those years.
Self-care also wasn’t in my vocabulary 15 years ago, but now if I find myself ‘in the thick of it’, I know I’m a much better human if I take some time out to breathe, meditate, dance and be myself, although sometimes it still feels really hard to do that!
Was there a moment or perhaps a transition in your life that made you feel as though you were truly in the thick of life?
My son was six and I was 35, working full time with a side-hustle wool shop when my husband died suddenly aged 41. It was a strange under-watery time where life just kept rolling on, regardless of the massive upheaval in our world. I had to keep going for my little boy, and also let him see me grieve. I had to keep working to pay the bills, and for my sanity too. I quickly realised the wool shop was a step too far and sold it to a friend. It’s funny how I can recall some of the moments perfectly yet so much of that time was just a blur.
It was also a real turning point where I started to be me for the first time in a long time. I’d married too young, to the wrong person, and had been living a very flat kind of life; I was unhappy at work and held back by imposter syndrome and fear… As the grief lifted I began to do more for me, and finally dealt with my depression, coming off the medication and addressing the underlying issue—a huge lack of connection to myself and other people.
It turned out this was just the start of a bigger change during which I retrained as a coach, getting obsessed with behavioural change and self-belief for women just like me.
As someone who resonates as a creative, how has your creative practice changed over the years? What life transitions or transformations have made an impact?
Oh! Creativity is soul-deep for me, it’s a strong theme in my human design chart, along with evolution and storytelling.
My practice has always flowed around, taking me through painting, stained-glass, knitting, quilting, back again to art… alongside a theme of home renovation, and building! Looking back, I feel like each hobby had its season with me where I went very deep and got pretty good, before moving on to the next new thing; that’s the evolution piece for me, always looking for what’s next.
I would say that the only constant has been my writing; I’ve written blogs and newsletters consistently for 15 years now, and before that my own diaries and journals… ahhh yes, that’s the storytelling!
If you take a look at your creative practice at this very moment, how do you make space for it in your current season of life? Do you feel as though you’re in a season of creativity? Why or why not?
I’m very firmly in a writing season just now and I separate this into writing for me and writing for my business. I haven’t always made time for either, but there was something about moving my newsletter to Substack last year that changed things for me.
I had a strong pull to be in this writerly space instead of an email platform, and ever since I arrived I’ve been so motivated. It’s the combination of community and inspiration that fires me up, there’s so much I want to write that it makes space for itself! I’m often found writing first thing in the morning or late into the evening; it’s never a chore. The only thing that gets in the way is the little voice of self-doubt… but I know that well enough by now to settle it down gently and keep going.
I’m also slowly creating my Seasonology oracle deck, which merges writing with art. I definitely feel that ebb and flow with my internal seasons—which is very appropriate as that’s what it’s all about!
For many, the concept of being ‘in the thick of it’ illustrates the juggle between the different facets of our lives—family, friends, motherhood, career, creativity, self-care etc—so I’d love to know how you give yourself the grace and space to nurture the various areas of your life? Does your unique human design type assist with this?
Ahh the juggling… well, I can get very distracted, especially when I’m writing or working, which means I can easily drop the ball on self-care and checking in with friends and family, so I do lean into a couple of aspects of my human design to find balance.
With my sacral authority* I can check in with my sacral centre (gut) to know what I have the energy for in each moment; it’s a simple yes/no process. Do I have the energy to work? Do I need a break? Could I use some family time? When I trust this guide, I naturally find balance. I also use my ‘self/not self’ themes as a barometer—as a generator, mine swings from satisfaction to frustration. Frustration is a clear sign I’m out of alignment and need to go do something else; this keeps me connected to balance too..
*authority in human design is how we’re designed to make decisions; there are seven different authorities.
In moments when you’re feeling overwhelmed or perhaps feeling the itch of burnout due to being ‘in the thick of it’, what are some of the rituals or self-care practices that you turn to?
Itch is a great word to describe it—I really do notice overwhelm as a physical sensation. Grounding works well for me, and taking some time out on my own. My favourite practices are lying on the floor and letting the scratchy energy flow out of me back into the earth… and listening to loud music and dancing in my office! Even if I’m tired, I usually find movement helpful to lift my energy and mood.
If we examine the concept of being ‘in the thick of it’ from a more societal level, it seems that it’s women who are feeling this the most. Why do you think this might be the case? And then, perhaps, what do you think needs to be done on a broader scale to help redress this imbalance?
Women are natural caregivers, we’re here to nurture, and so it’s very easy for us to take on that role with everyone around us, which can become a practical burden and/or an emotional one. We end up with more than our fair share of stuff to do, with heads and hearts full of task-lists and responsibility, often for things outside our control. Add to that, we’re not always great at asking for help, we want the world to know how strong we are, not show weakness. And how can we let go until someone else steps up and takes their share?
What needs to be done? We need to empower women to create healthy boundaries about what is theirs and what isn’t—and empower men to be emotionally mature, heal their wounds and support women resourcefully. We would find balance in a world like this, and we can start by working towards this at home, experiencing it on a personal level, and using whatever influence we have to keep spreading it wider.
Do you think that we become better equipped to deal with the ‘thick of life’ as each year passes? Has this been true of your experience?
I definitely think we can become better equipped. As we get older we build up more experience, directly or indirectly, we find out what works and what doesn’t. And in an ideal world, we’ll do more of what works and keep sharing our experiences so that we all get better at dealing with the ‘thick of life’.
But what often happens is we get stuck in unresourceful habits and loops… I’m thinking back to the drama of getting my son out to school on time, a daily battle into the car, always feeling last minute and apologetic, cross with him and with me. And not knowing how to make it any different.
For me it was a combination of two things that started to make the difference. The first was asking for and listening to advice. As a woman and a mum it can be hard to ask for help, we’re invincible right? Plus we should at least know how to raise kids… Over time I started to notice that we’re all just doing our best, I was doing well at some stuff and friends were doing well at others, so I started setting aside my ego and asking for, and listening to, their suggestions—and sharing mine too. We needed each other's wisdom to make up the full picture.
The second was reflection. When we’re ‘in the thick of it’ it’s hard to slow down and look at where you could adjust something small to make a big difference. But when I did take this little step back, I could see where to change course and make those unhelpful loops into an upward spiral instead.
As someone who is experienced in human design, I’d love to know how you feel this modality could help us move through that feeling of being ‘in the thick of it’? Is it a tool that can help us better understand this energy?
Oh wow, what a great question! Where to start… the short answer is yes, human design can definitely help us to approach life with more ease and feel less ‘in the thick of it’.
I guess the first thing to know is that your human design ‘type’ and ‘strategy’ tells you how you are designed to use your energy and interact with the world. Quite often though we’re taught to do the opposite. We might have been told we’re too much or too fast and we need to be less us, or we’re too lazy and need to do more—often to make the grown ups around us feel more comfortable when we fit in. But this just creates a homogenous kind of energy that works for no-one, leaving us less capable of dealing with what comes our way.
The second thing to know is that your ‘authority’ is there to help you make the right decisions for you. When we make decisions with the mind we’re often using logic, or deferring to others. Using the body, through your design, means you’ll make decisions that are in alignment, so everything feels easier.
For example: I’m a generator type with sacral authority. So I’m designed to respond to the world around me, and listen to my sacral (gut) which tells me if I have the energy for something or not. If it's a yes, I have tons of energy, in fact I’m pretty much unstoppable, but when people see this, they think I can take on anything. And of course as women we already take on more than we really have the time and energy for… So I spent most of my life saying yes to what I, or other people, thought I should be doing, even if my body was screaming no! So I’d been using my energy in all the wrong ways, especially within my business, leading to burnout last year. Now I’m aligned, I have more energy, more clients and way more spaciousness with my family. I don’t feel I’m ‘in the thick of it’ very often at all, and when I am, I know I can use my design to support me.
When we add our families into the mix we add another layer of ease. My son is a projector type and completely different to me. He doesn’t have the big energy bank that I have… but whilst he was growing up all I did was try and get him moving, doing, being active with me, and making him feel lazy, instead of allowing him to live as he’s designed to live. We can actually look at our children's charts from the moment they're born to understand how they are similar and different to us; I wish I’d known this about him sooner. I’ve completely shifted how I communicate with him, and am encouraging him to live more in alignment with his design, not mine. It’s strengthened our relationship so much.
My final question is more of an opportunity to say thank you, as I’m so grateful to be able to share these conversations with my community. I’m so passionate about helping other women feel more seen, inspired and nourished during this particular season of life—so I’d love to know, are there any women in your own community (or even your virtual community) who you are grateful for or would like to shout out?
Yes, let’s lift each other up! Well, I’m very grateful for YOU, giving me this space to share with your wonderful community. And I’ve been made so welcome here on Substack by lots of other writers, especially
, and too—I also want to celebrate a new season of collabs with , and Helen of HJ Nutrition.And when I’m not on Substack I’m constantly lifted and inspired by my mum and my friends, and also my local network of business pals; Lisa, Diane, Pauline, Frances, Suzy, Dawn, Sonya and so many more... I feel absolutely blessed to be surrounded by so many fabulous women 💚
Find out more about Sarah and subscribe to her Substack here!
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Oh Ashley! It was such a joy to be interviewed by you, your questions are just delicious and really got me thinking, in the best way.
Thank you so much for sharing me with your world! And I hope you’ll visit me over at quietly courageous in a guest series in 2024 🙏💕