Women In The Thick Of It: Lauren Barber

Where 'earth meets sky'...

Pic: Lauren Barber

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If you’ve ever had the pleasure of stumbling across Lauren Barber’s work, you’ve likely walked away from the experience feeling nourished on a soul level. As a self-confessed ‘multi-dimensional human being’, Lauren has carved out a heart-centred space online for mothers to be held as they step into their new identity and begin to rediscover their creative spark.

I first discovered Lauren through her incredible Substack newsletter, The Mother Well—which shares the raw, tender and joyful realities of motherhood, whilst also providing a hefty dose of inspiration for those of us who are seeking to discover our true heart and soul work.

Through reading her newsletter, I’ve found myself feeling the pull to slow down, pay more attention to the season I’m in and learn to trust my creative intuition on a deeper level. Here, Lauren shares some of her soulful wisdom with us and speaks to how she manages to ‘dance’ between the different facets of her life… despite being ‘in the thick of it’.

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What comes up for you when you think about being ‘in the thick of it’? What does it feel like for you?

‘In the thick of it’ to me is a feeling of fullness… and that can be interpreted in many different ways. Sometimes that fullness feels intense and wild but also beautiful—and sometimes that fullness feels a little bit like drowning. When I find myself feeling the latter I see it as a message to slow down and look at what (if anything) I can remove from my plate, or seek support with. Most of the time a lot of it is self-imposed pressures and expectation and so it is a good way of checking in with myself as to where I am being overly hard on myself, and where I can offer myself a little more grace.

Was there a moment or perhaps a transition in your life that made you feel as though you were truly in the thick of life?

Without doubt, I don’t think anything has ever captured the essence of ‘in the thick of it’ as Motherhood has for me—particularly this year as I navigate the shift from one to two children! I wasn’t expecting it to be such a huge transition, but while going from no children to one was a huge change, going from one to two has been an intense initiation like no other. Emotionally, physically, practically… on all levels!

As someone who resonates as a creative, how has your creative practice changed over the years? What life transitions or transformations have made an impact?

I have always seen myself as creative in many ways, but Motherhood brought my creative focus online in a beautiful way. Partly because it caused me to be refined with my time and energy and so I only devote my time to things that truly feed my creative desires… and partly because I think seeing the world through the lens of little ones’ eyes gives you a completely new perspective, which for me has opened up something within that I think had laid dormant for a long time.

If you take a look at your creative practice at this very moment, how do you make space for it in your current season of life? Do you feel as though you’re in a season of creativity? Why or why not?

I really do—I think that right now I am actually in the most creative season of my life I have ever been. It looks different to the picture that I perhaps thought that was supposed to look like, but I weave creativity into as much as I can everyday. I am a huge fan of ‘micro moments’ and this looks like bringing in little droplets of the things that nourish us as often as we can—that for me is as much creativity as possible, and seeing life as one big piece of sacred art. Having said that, I also have paid childcare support factored into my week so that I do have time to devote to my writing, creating for clients and whatever else the space allows. 

I have had to adjust to not always being able to act on the creative urge as it rises up—so things like Notes on my phone, or multiple journals, hold the seeds of ideas, and I simply trust that when the time comes to bring them to form, the right ones will present themselves. That is actually a really great practice of discernment as I then give the idea some space and truly feel into whether it is worthy of my time. 

You describe yourself as a mother, writer, coach, soulful business mentor, designer, website artist, sacred space holder (LOVE this!) and multi-dimensional human being—and for many, the concept of being ‘in the thick of it’ illustrates the dance between the different facets of our lives. So, I’d love to know how you give yourself the grace and space to nurture these various areas of your life?

It is a true dance! The truth is if I DON’T nurture these multiple facets of myself I don’t feel whole—and then everyone gets the crappy version of me. I am also quite organised—my Virgo Sun means that I am quite good at creating sacred structure—which then allows all of the many pieces to flow and dance within that structure.

From a business perspective, I feel there is often judgement attached to those of us who would describe ourselves as multi-hyphenates—so given your diverse expertise and confidence in owning the many hats you wear, why do you think others judge women who are multi-passionate? And if we feel this sense of imposter syndrome or judgement coming our way, how can we manage it?

Ooooh juicy question—and I think if I am honest I am only just really embodying this multi-hyphenate nature. For so long I felt that I was being fickle, and that nobody would take me seriously, because I was constantly shifting direction. I also felt like I had to choose just one thing. Now I can see that firstly it is all a journey and actually the experimentation phase is vital when it comes to finding our true centre, and secondly—people really aren’t studying you in the way we study ourselves, so they don’t even notice half of the time. I think we worry so much about what people will think—but the reality is that everyone is in their own little world. Of course, there are always the people that don’t understand us but over time, I have come to soothe myself with the knowing that it is ‘safe’ for me to be myself and it is not a personal reflection on my inherent ‘goodness’ if someone doesn’t ‘get me’. I have over the years surrounded myself with others who really do ‘get me’ and so I think the more we spend time being truly seen for who we are at the core—and not as the person we think we ‘should be’—the more we embody our uniqueness. 

The more we own our many different passions—the more other people see us as simply being true to ourselves—which in itself I think creates more trust and stability. 

In moments when you’re feeling overwhelmed or perhaps feeling the itch of burnout due to being ‘in the thick of it’, what are some of the rituals or self-care practices that you turn to?

When I feel like everything is piling on top of me, I get outside into nature. Never ever does that fail me. In fact, it is a non-negotiable especially on the days I have the children on my own. Rain or shine. 

If I am in a particularly intense moment and I cannot get outside, I will take a moment and regulate my breath. Feel my feet. Place a hand on my heart. Listen to calming music. Make myself a hot drink. Eat something nourishing. Voice note a friend. Anything that soothes my nervous system and reminds me that I am safe and am doing enough in that moment. 

You recently wrote about how turning 40 feels expansive and it made me question whether we perhaps become better equipped to deal with the ‘thick of life’ as each year passes. Has this been true of your experience?

I definitely think that as I have aged I have built up more wisdom, and more ‘evidence’ of my own strength and resilience—so yes I think that I cope with change and pressure better as I grow older. I am also learning to let go of a lot of perfectionism, control things less and soften into the present moment a lot more thanks to the children. As I have learned more about myself through lived experience I know how to nurture myself, I know that my nervous system is particularly sensitive so I have to do a lot of tending to that, I know my capacities a little more intimately and I have a more aligned community of friends to lean on when needed! Oh and I have really learned to honour my NOs! 

One of the overarching themes I draw from your work is the importance of learning to slow down, savour the moment and surrender to the season you’re in—do you think this is something that is just inherent to who you are? Or is it a practice you try to consciously foster on a daily basis? Do you have any tips on how we can all embrace this sentiment?

I think that it is inherent in all of us as a natural way of being when we truly strip back all the external noise and return to ourselves. When I started to live more intentionally and seasonally—which started with tuning into the lunar phases and environmental seasons, before evolving into menstrual cycle awareness and my own inner rhythms—it felt more like a remembering than new information. I tune in each day to my energy and my capacity and adjust accordingly—I try and have minimal commitments, and certainly not multiples on a day anymore. I truly honour what feels nourishing to me and am quite strict with my boundaries around not taking on more than I can hold or dance with. That doesn’t mean that I get it ‘right’ all the time as I am constantly being reminded of the lesson to simplify. 

I ask myself every morning… what do I need today… and then see what surfaces and do my utmost to honour that in whatever big or small way I can. 

The problem is—in a world that values linear consistency and celebrates us juggling many plates—it does feel like going against the grain to be so discerning with our energy and so I do think that it has to be a practice that we consciously tune into. My advice is always… go gently, start with small steps, nurture your nervous system, and always… always… be kind to yourself when things go off track… which they will!

Find out more about Lauren and subscribe to her Substack here!

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