On the brink
The new term I'm using to describe this never-ending state of flux.
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Last week I managed to squeeze in my first psychology session for 2024. And boy, was it a goodie.
For weeks this appointment has been looming in my calendar, almost a bit like a signpost—like if I could just make it through the first few weeks of the year, I’d be able to process the very mixed emotions I’ve been experiencing and kickstart this next season of life with a bit more energy and calm.
While much of the hour entailed me simply downloading the crazy rollercoaster of emotions and events of the past few weeks, it also involved a lot of very helpful reframing. It’s no secret I’ve been feeling ‘stuck’—with 2024 throwing a number of hefty challenges my way already—but just as I was outlining the frustration I’ve felt at my recent lack of productivity and how I’ve been completely hamstrung in terms of being able to execute literally anything, my psychologist turned to me and said: it’s okay, you’re just ‘brinking’.
Reading the puzzlement on my face she went on to explain that, although not ‘official’ psychology vernacular, it was a term she’d coined for those moments in life where it feels like you’re literally on the brink—pounding away on the hamster wheel of life, seemingly producing nothing outwardly of great value when, in reality, just under the surface, big things are bubbling. As I allowed the concept to sink into my bones, I began to nod slowly in recognition. That was exactly it.
While ‘brinking’ might look different for each of us, what we managed to unravel for me was that I have been feeling (justifiably) annoyed, frustrated and exhausted by my seeming helplessness to change my current state of affairs. With two kids barely detaching themselves from my lap long enough to take a shower—let alone sit and write—all my ideas, creative seeds and dreams for 2024 have had to sit somewhat idle in my mind. Or, as it turns out, in my phone notes—which appear to be exploding.
The ideas are there. The seeds of some exciting plans are in motion—I just couldn’t see it before. Turns out, I’m brinking.
Although the term ‘brinking’ should undoubtedly be trademarked by my psychologist, a similar concept is that of ‘percolation’—whereby experts agree that interruption or the inability to complete a task can actually be of benefit in the long run, that simply having a specific goal in our mind can actually be an integral step in it coming to life and when we spend time consciously thinking about something, it allows it to percolate. The result? The ideas that are most relevant to you and your experience begin to brew, before trickling through, planting new seeds in your mind and allowing you to then use that data in a way that serves you best.
Writers do [this] on a daily basis. Writing is discovering what you think about a topic. You think back on the data gathered to make it your own.
Interestingly, research also shows that percolation enables a flexibility of thought in creative individuals which assists their ability to produce innovative, inspirational and original ideas.
So really, instead of focusing on my frustration, I was much better off surrendering (there’s that word again!) and giving myself some grace to just ‘brink’ until the space to work, create, manifest and manage my life presented itself once again. Because, of course it will.
But what I also know is that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Since sharing last week that I was taking a break from my regular Substack posting schedule, I’ve received some wonderful messages from other women in this community who have felt equally exhausted and burnt out by January’s heaviness. Even just the other day, the lovely
shared a beautiful piece on her own platform titled: In devotion to creative pauses and it could not have resonated more. She writes…This slow or perhaps even standstill part of the creative process is rarely honoured in the same way as other parts - the fizz of inspiration and the excitement of bringing something new to the world tend to be where most focus goes.
The perfect definition of ‘brinking’ if ever I saw one.
So if, like me, you’re feeling well and truly in the thick of it, this is your permission slip to go and simply ‘brink’. The time will come where your creativity will bubble over, those seeds will start to sprout and I bet, the joy we will feel when it all finally comes to life will be worth the wait.
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Pleasure 🩷 it’s full on and a lot of work but really enjoying it at the same x
I needed this. All of your content has really resonated with me 🩷